📖 Reading time: 8 minutes

Because “just put up with it” is terrible sexual advice.

Let's start with something important:

Sex shouldn't be something you have to endure.

If intimacy hurts, you don't need to grit your teeth, fake a smile and hope it gets better.

And you definitely don't need to convince yourself:

“Maybe this is just what sex feels like now.”

There are plenty of reasons intimacy can become uncomfortable. Sometimes dryness, friction, rushing or positioning can play a role. Changes in your body, hormones, medication, stress, fatigue and other health factors can also affect how intimacy feels. Persistent or recurring pain deserves proper attention rather than simply being pushed through.

We're not doctors here at LubeLady, and we're certainly not going to diagnose you through a blog post.

What we can do is talk about some practical things you can experiment with when you're trying to make intimacy more comfortable.

And if something continues to hurt?

That's your cue to speak with a qualified healthcare professional.

So before you decide your sex life is officially cancelled...

Let's troubleshoot it.

1. 💧 Try More Lubricant - And Try It Earlier

Let's start with one of the simplest things.

Sometimes there just isn't enough lubrication.

Natural lubrication can vary enormously from person to person and can change depending on arousal, hormones, stress, medication and other factors. Dryness can contribute to friction and discomfort during sex.

And here's something worth remembering:

You don't have to wait until you're uncomfortable before reaching for the lube.

Apply it before penetration.

Add more during intimacy.

Keep it somewhere you can actually reach.

If things begin feeling dry or friction increases:

Stop. Add more. Carry on only if it feels comfortable.

You don't get extra points for trying to make three drops last an entire evening.

😂

💛 LubeLady suggestion

Wet Stuff Gold 550g Pump is a water-based lubricant in a generous pump bottle.

It's the sort of product that can be handy when you want lubricant readily available rather than having to stop everything and hunt for a tiny bottle.

Because comfort shouldn't involve an archaeological expedition under the bedside table. 😂

2. 💋 Give Your Body More Time

This one sounds simple.

But it can make a huge difference.

Slow down the warm-up.

Kissing.

Touching.

Massage.

Oral sex.

Hands.

Toys.

Flirting.

Laughing.

Whatever makes you feel comfortable and connected.

Foreplay isn't something you have to rush through before getting to the “main event”. Giving yourself more time for arousal can be helpful when dryness or discomfort is part of the problem. 

And honestly?

Foreplay isn't the appetiser you rush through to get to the main course.

Sometimes it's the whole damn meal. 😂

3. 🐢 Slow Everything Down

If something hurts, going faster usually isn't the answer.

Try slowing everything down.

You can experiment with:

• Speed,

• Depth,

• Rhythm,

• Pressure,

• Duration,

• How much movement is involved,

And don't underestimate the power of saying:

“Slower.”

Or:

“Not so deep.”

Or:

“Hang on a second.”

Or simply:

“That doesn't feel good.”

Communication isn't killing the mood.

Pain is.

And you are allowed to stop at any point.

4. 🔄 Change Positions

Sometimes intimacy isn't the problem.

The position is.

Different positions can change the amount of pressure, movement and depth involved.

So experiment.

🥄 Spooning / side-lying

A close, intimate option that can involve less movement and can be useful when you're trying to conserve energy or reduce pressure on certain areas.

🔥 You on top

Some people prefer positions where they can control the depth and pace themselves.

❤️ Face-to-face sitting

A more intimate option that can allow kissing, touching and eye contact without relying on the same movement as traditional positions.

🛏️ Modified positions

Pillows and supports can completely change how a position feels.

And remember:

There is no prize for successfully completing the Kama Sutra. 😂

If a position isn't comfortable?

Change it.

5. 🛏️ Use Pillows Like Your Sex Life Depends on Them

Because sometimes...

it does. 😂

Pillows can provide support underneath:

• Hips,

• Knees,

• Legs,

• Lower back,

• Shoulders,

They can make it easier to maintain a position without constantly using muscles to hold yourself there.

This can be particularly useful for people living with disability, fatigue, limited mobility or joint discomfort.

Think of it as:

Sexy ergonomics.

Your body doesn't care whether the pillow came from the sex shop or the linen cupboard.

It just wants to be comfortable.

6. 🗣️ Have the Conversation Before You're In the Middle of It

Talking about painful sex while you're actually having sex can feel awkward.

So try talking beforehand.

You could say:

“Sometimes penetration feels uncomfortable for me. Can we take it slower?”

Or:

“I'd like to experiment with some different positions.”

Or:

“I want to be intimate, but I don't want penetration tonight.”

Or:

“If I say stop, I need us to stop without making it a big deal.”

These conversations aren't unsexy.

They're practical.

And they're part of good sexual communication.

You can change your mind.

You can pause.

You can switch activities.

You can stop.

You don't owe anyone continued sexual activity because you started.

7. 🌶️ Take Penetration Off the Menu

This might be the biggest one.

If penetration hurts...

Stop making penetration the goal.

Seriously.

Sex doesn't have to end because penetration isn't happening.

You still have:

💋 Kissing,
🤲 Touch,
💆 Massage,
👄 Oral sex,
🧸 Toys,
🔥 Mutual masturbation,
❤️ Cuddling,
😏 Sensual play,
💞 Simply being close,

And for people experiencing disability, changes in sensation or fatigue, exploring different forms of intimacy can open up an enormous number of possibilities.

Sex is bigger than penetration.

Sometimes removing the pressure to “get there” makes the entire experience more relaxed.

8. 🧸 Let Toys Do Some of the Work

Toys aren't simply about adding extra excitement.

They can give you more options.

A vibrator might allow stimulation without requiring a particular position.

Partners can use toys together.

One person can use a toy while the other focuses on touch.

Or solo exploration can help you discover what feels comfortable before explaining it to a partner.

The point isn't to replace intimacy.

It's to expand it.

More options can mean less pressure.

And less pressure can mean more enjoyment.

9. 💧 Experiment With Different Lubricant Textures

If one lubricant doesn't feel right, don't immediately conclude:

“Lube isn't for me.”

Different formulations can feel very different.

You may prefer the versatility of a water-based lubricant.

You may prefer the longer-lasting glide of a silicone-based option.

Or you may like something in between.

💧 Wet Stuff Gold

Our Wet Stuff Gold 550g Pump is a great everyday water-based option.

✨ Wet Stuff Touch

Wet Stuff Touch 125g is a silicone lubricant with a different feel and glide.

🌸 Wet Stuff Secrets

If you'd like to explore a hybrid formula, Wet Stuff Secrets 90g is another option.

The important thing is finding something that feels comfortable for your body and the activity you're doing.

And always check the manufacturer's instructions regarding condom and toy compatibility.

10. ❤️ Stop Making Orgasm the Deadline

Here's a slightly radical idea:

You don't actually have to orgasm.

I know.

Scandalous. 😂

But when sex becomes:

Start → penetrate → orgasm → finished!

There can be enormous pressure to make everything work perfectly.

That pressure can be particularly unhelpful when you're dealing with pain, fatigue, disability, anxiety or changes in sensation.

Try changing the goal.

Instead of:

“We need to finish.”

Try:

“Let's see what feels good.”

Maybe you cuddle.

Maybe you kiss.

Maybe you have a massage.

Maybe you use a toy.

Maybe you have oral sex.

Maybe you start something and decide you don't want to continue.

Maybe you laugh because something goes hilariously wrong.

That's still intimacy.

Sex doesn't have to be a performance with a required ending.

🌶️ What If You Want to Try Something Completely Different?

Sometimes the answer isn't more sex.

It's a different sex.

Try changing one thing at a time.

Maybe tonight there is no penetration.

Maybe you spend twenty minutes just kissing and touching.

Maybe you introduce a vibrator.

Maybe you try spooning instead of your usual position.

Maybe you put a pillow under your hips.

Maybe you experiment with a different lubricant.

Maybe you take penetration completely off the table and see what happens when nobody is waiting for the “next step”.

You might discover something surprisingly good.

And if you don't?

You've learned something.

That's still progress.

🍑 What About Anal Play?

If anal play is something you enjoy or want to explore, lubrication becomes particularly important because the anus doesn't naturally lubricate in the same way the vagina does.

More lubricant and plenty of patience can help reduce friction.

For people specifically looking for an anal lubricant, Wet Stuff Relax 110g Pump is a silicone-based lubricant designed for anal play.

Its pump format also makes it easy to keep within reach.

And yes...

Fumbling around for lubricant while trying to maintain the mood is not exactly foreplay. 😂

🚨 But Here's the Really Important Part

If you've tried slowing down, adding lubricant, changing positions and taking the pressure off - and intimacy is still painful or uncomfortable - please don't feel like you have to keep troubleshooting it yourself.

Persistent or recurring pain during sex is worth discussing with a doctor or other appropriately qualified healthcare professional. There can be many different reasons for discomfort, and finding the underlying cause is much more useful than simply trying to push through it.

You don't need to know what's causing the pain before making an appointment. You can simply say:

“Sex has been uncomfortable or painful and I'd like to find out why.”

That's enough.

And if you're experiencing things such as persistent or severe pain, bleeding, unusual discharge, burning, significant irritation, sores, fever or other concerning symptoms, don't ignore them.

Lubricant can help with friction. It can't diagnose what's causing your pain.

Your body isn't being difficult. It's giving you information - and sometimes the best thing you can do is listen.

❤️ You Don't Have to Give Up on Intimacy

Maybe penetration needs to change.

Maybe your positions need to change.

Maybe your lubricant needs to change.

Maybe you need more foreplay.

Maybe you need less pressure.

Maybe you need to explore toys.

Maybe you need to conserve your energy differently.

Maybe you need some professional support.

And maybe your definition of sex needs a little renovation.

None of that means your sex life is over.

It means you're listening to your body.

And that's a good thing.

💧 The LubeLady “Let's Make This More Comfortable” Checklist

Before you decide intimacy isn't working anymore, ask yourself:

💧 Could more lubricant help with friction?

💋 Could we spend longer on foreplay?

🐢 Could we slow things down?

🔄 Could a different position feel better?

🛏️ Could pillows or supports make things easier?

🧸 Could a toy give us another way to experience pleasure?

🗣️ Have we actually talked about what feels good — and what doesn't?

🌶️ Could we take penetration off the table?

❤️ Are we putting too much pressure on ourselves to orgasm?

🩺 Is this happening often enough that it's time to talk to a professional?

❤️ One Last Thing...

Please don't measure the success of your sex life by whether everything went according to plan.

Sometimes the best sexual experience is the one where you discover something new.

Sometimes it's passionate.

Sometimes it's slow.

Sometimes it's playful.

Sometimes it's completely ridiculous.

Sometimes you try something and immediately think:

“Nope. Absolutely not.” 😂

And sometimes you stop halfway through and cuddle.

That's okay too.

Because intimacy isn't a performance.

It's a connection.

And you don't have to keep doing something that hurts just because you've always done it that way.

You don't necessarily need less intimacy.

You might just need different intimacy. ❤️

Comfort isn't something you should have to earn by pushing through pain.

Listen to your body. Talk to your partner. Experiment gently. And never be embarrassed to ask for help when you need it.

🌸 A little LubeLady note

This article is for general sexual wellness and educational purposes. It isn't a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Lubricants can help reduce friction, but they aren't a treatment for unexplained or persistent pain. If intimacy is regularly painful, or you experience persistent pain, bleeding, unusual discharge, burning, significant irritation or other concerning symptoms, speak with an appropriately qualified healthcare professional. Always follow the manufacturer's instructions for any lubricant or intimate product, including guidance about condom and toy compatibility.